Attitudes toward divorce

When many of us first married we determined the word divorce would have no place in our relationship. Then rather suddenly we find ourselves trying to sort out what went wrong with our plans. The ‘D’ word has been dropped into our lap and we just can’t dump it to the floor. It will not go away.

There is a myth that people grow apart and together decide it is best to end their marriage. There is another myth that if you do your best you’ll succeed. The reality in divorce is more often a couple grows apart but one partner keeps hoping for reconnection while the other is hoping for a way out—no matter if or how hard either party tried.

Divorce is a painful event. There are seemingly infinite decisions to be made everyday. Knowing what to do first…knowing what to say to whom—or what not to say…trying to find help…and all at a time when you need to think clearly and realistically but your emotions are in turmoil. Fear is often the guiding force in a divorce, bitterness or lethargy the result.

The presence of children in a marriage only complicates the breakup. Most parents want the best for their children but in reality most children become another series of questions and problems to be divided and settled. In court they are little more than chattel.

Even if you are not personally dealing with divorce most of us have family or friends we care about facing separation or divorce. We want to help but don’t really know how.

If you’re contemplating divorce you must fully understand the consequences of your decisions. Those decisions will have a rippling effect throughout not only your life but also the lives of your loved ones.

If you are avoiding divorce you must also understand the lessons you may be teaching your children. Commitment is indeed honorable but abandonment or abuse, physical or emotional, should never be tolerated.

There are specific steps that should be taken immediately if divorce has been mentioned. If your loved one is facing divorce there are definite ways you can be helpful, supportive, and compassionate. There are also ways to help the most innocent victims of divorce: the children.

We will discuss dating, finances, privacy, choosing counsel, safety, health, helping our children, and many other issues of divorce. I hope you will feel comfortable to offer your personal experiences or suggestions or present questions or topics that will be helpful to each of us.